Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Mass-Murder To Be Let Loose

Raymond Ratima is due for a parole hearing in June, but family of those that he killed, said he should never be released to walk free on the outside. They say that he should stay behind bars for the rest of his natural life. On June 25th, 1992, when he was age 25, he bludgeoned and stabbed 7 members of his family to death, including his pregnant 20 year old sister in law and his own 3 sons, who were age 7, 5 and 2. He pleaded guilty and was sentanced to life in prison. Life should be life, should it not ? Yet here he is applying for parole - again. He applied for parole in 2003 but this was vehemently opposed by family and others. He was again denied parole, last year. Now once again, he has applied for parole. What surprises me is the fact that the parole board said that he had been drug-free since September 2005 ??? Here he was in jail, since 1992 when he committed the murders, but they say he has only drug-free since 2005 ? Where & how was he getting drugs in prison ? He should of been drug free within weeks of been jailed, not since 2005. It doesn't say very much for our prison system, does it ?

You Look Fat ?

A woman was stopped at the Gaza-Egypt border crossing after guards noticed that she look strangely fat. A search by a female border guard found that it wasn't food that made the woman seem strangely fat, but more mother nature. She had three 50cm long crocodiles tied to her body underneath her loose robe. The crocodiles were returned to the Egyptian side of the border (I don't think you would find a man who would be willing to try that. The poor croc's might get hungry for some fresh meat !!!)

Homework Is Murder

When I was going to school, many moons ago, we never got homework like they do today. Students at one Auckland high school were given an assignment in which they had to describe themselves as a murderer and detail how they would kill their victim and dispose of the body. The aim was to get them to read the Roald Dahl novel, Lamb To The Slaughter, in which a woman kills her husband with a frozen leg of lamb, then cooks it up and serves it for dinner to the investigating officers. A nice way to kill someoe as well as dispose of the weapon, isn't it ?


A UK man who had started his own chatroom, logged on and announced to those that were logged in, that he was going to kill himself. Serveral visitors to the site thought that it was a hoax, while others told him to hurry up and get on with it. He switched on his webcam, stood on a chair and hung himself. Someone alerted the police but by the time they found out where he lived and broke into his flat, it was........too late !!!
Brandon Vedas, 21 from Phoenix, Arizona also committed suicide online in 2003.

Son Sees His Dead Father As Art.

For an art exbihibtion last year a Napier artist, Nigel Madden submitted 3 photographs of his dead father lying bruised on a motuary slab. The brusies were inflicted when his father who had a heart attack, fell off his stool in a Napier bar. The photos were accepted by the organizers of the art exhibition, but carried a warning sign. This year Nigel is going one step futher by submitting his fathers ashes emtombed in a reflective funeral urn and placed on a pedestal. If accepted for display, in the art exhibition the organizers will consider if the urn, warrants a warning sign. Even though the urn will carry a price tag of $2000, Nigel is certain that it will not sell. The entry will be entitled "The End Of Art". There are a lot of mad people out there who would be silly enogh to buy the urn, so it could be the end of his father.

The Apple Of His Eye

Talking about dead fathers - Rolling Stones guitarist, Keith Richards has claimed that he snorted his father's ashes with cocaine during a drug binge. "He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of cocaine. It went down pretty well and I'm still alive". The story has been greeted with amazement and some scepticism. You could say that he has got more than a little bit of his father in him or his father is the apple of his eye.

A Bullet Costs A Dollar

I have said it before and I will save it again - a bullet costs a dollar !!! We have a case in NZ, where Graham Burton who had been released after serving 14 years for murder, only to murder again. He not only shot but also stabbed to death a father of two, who wouldn't give up his bike, when Burton came across him in the bush. Burton also shot and injured other people that were out bush walking during his attempted escape from police. He has been sentanced to 26 years in prison at a cost to the taxpapyer of approx. $50,000 per year, or is it more ? Does anyone know ? I heard someone say, that it costs double that. During the police hunt, Burton was shot in the leg by police, which resulted in him losing his lower leg. Yet when he appeared in court in his wheelchair he was surrounded by prison guards - five in the photo, but how many more were there - What's he going to do - kick them with his good leg. Hopefully, he won't end up murdering a fellow prison inmate during his 26 years in prison. There are others that have been jailed for 28 years & 33 years for murder, who are going to be made to serve their full sentance without been able to apply for parole. But then what - released to kill again ? If it is a clear case of murder - the one sentanced to 33 years murdered 3 people in cold blood and brutally injured a 4th person, who despite her injuries managed to pull thru and give evidence in court. Why let them live. As soon as a sentance is handed down, take them out the back and put a bullet in the head. Better still put all those inmates guilty of murder in the prison yard. Give guns to the families of those they killed, put them in the watch-towers and let them fire away and do the good deed........!!! A life for a life or in some cases, a life for several lives. USA has inmates waiting on death row that have been waiting for years & years to be put to death - put them in the prison yard and get it over with. NZ would save millions of taxpayers money over the years, while USA would save hundred's of millions.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Too Glossy For Toilet Paper

In yesterday's paper was a Warriors team poster which I filed in the round filing cabinet after I had a quick look. It seems that some early editions of the paper missed out on their poster so if I am lucky or unlucky enough to get another one in Monday's paper I'll file that in the same place. It's a bit glossy to cut up for toilet paper, but there was one thing that caught my eye - a doormat. A great gift to give someone who isn't a Warrior's fan for them to wipe their feet on. What a stupid thing to sell when you are trying to promote a team. A friend mentioned that "if" he did buy a doormat he would put it by his dog kennel.

First In The World ?

Legionella bacteria detected in a Christchurch hospital office-type water cooler filter may be the first case of its type in the world. The health department is warning businesse's to check office water cooler filters after the find. Our water cooler has a cover over it but whether that will make any difference or not, who knows. Something to do with enclosed space, heat from the sun, etc isn't it ? I don't know - anyone with half-a-brain ?


In last weeks M&M, I mentioned about the killing of three Salvadoran members of the Central American Parliament and their driver by 4 policemen, who didn't know that their squad car had a GPS transponder which put them at the scene of the murder.The four police, one of whom was the head of the Guatemalan National police, confessed to the murders and were been held in custody. Before they could testify as to who ordered the C.A.P members to be murdered they themselves were "killed" in their cells. Guatemalan officials have detained two dozen prison guards and the prison's director for questioning. Many suspect that the nation's powerful drug gangs are behind the killings of both the C.A.P members and the four police.

Found Guilty

NZ chef, Glenn McNeil has been found guilty of murdering Sydney woman, Janelle Paton on Norfolk Island in 2002. The jury delibrated for 11 1/2 hours before delivering their unanimous verdict. Paton had more than 60 injuries to her body when it was found.
After a 4 year investigation, McNeill was arrested last February at his home in Nelson. His lawyer described McNeill as "a gentleman" !!! It was the first murder on the island for over 50 years.

Frogs Legssssss

All frogs have 4 legs, do they not ? If you answered yes, you are wrong. A NZ boy found a frog in a muddy pond that had 6 legs, but before scientists could get their hands on it, the frog "croaked". Think of all the money that could of been made, breeding 6 legged frogs. A radom glitch in nature - who knows. He has gone to little froggy heaven.

Sunday, March 04, 2007

Nanny Strikes Again

In NZ, there is a lot of competition between supermarkets to win the almighty food $ from consumers. If you purchase over a certain $ value of groceries, supermarkets have been offering a voucher giving the shopper a discount off any petrol purchased from either their own petrol pumps or from local service stations. Up till now, some supermarkets have allowed the purchase of any tobacco products to be included in the final grocery total. The government / health department has now cracked down and made it illegal for any tobacco product to be included in the final total. Other products that are more harmful and make people "fatter" aren't been considered at this stage, but watch this space.
If people want to smoke, the few cents difference they would of got in petrol discounts certainly isn't going to make any difference if they smoke or not. So as long they don't smoke while they are filling up, I cannot see any harm in them been allowed to include tobacco products in the grocery total. Another case of living in a "nanny state" ?

Droll Into The Cup Please

It's a big ask, but an Australian researcher is hoping to help save the threaten hippopotamus by studying samples of drool from animals taught to salivate on command. The researcher has twice visited Mexico's largest private zoo, African Safari to collect samples. One of the zoo's vets there has trained the hippo's to walk into an enclosure and drop their jaws on cue, releasing a flood of slobber in the expectation of been fed. Hippo's which produce a massive amount of salvai is collected in a cup. Cheers !!! Just as well he doesn't have to collect samples from the other end to study.

He Ain't Heavy

British social workers have allowed a mother to keep her "heavy" son at home even though he is overweight for his age. She says her son will not eat fruit & vegetables and has refused to stop feeding him junk food. She has also refused to put a lock on the fridge. The boy is 8 and weighed in at nearly 90 kilos, before she sought help from health workers and a dietitian. He has so far, lost 11 kilos this year.

He was Light-Fingered

A 46 year old Iran man who was light-fingered and liked robbing safes is now even more light fingered after having four fingers on his right hand chopped off as punishment after been caught. While Iran's hardline judicary follws a strict interperation of Islamic law, enforcement of punishments such as amputation are rare. He is just going to have to learn to use his left hand to wipe his.........fingerprints off safes.

Bully Me - Bully My Minder

For South Korean students who have trouble with bullies, help is at hand. It seems that their government plans a crack down on bullies and is to start a trial next month to cut down on school violence. Students who are bullied will have a minder to protect them. The government hopes that by providing minders, they can find out which students are causing the trouble. (and pigs will fly) No student in their right mind is going to be silly enough to bully another student in front of a minder. The funding and services are been provided by companies wanting to help cut school violence.

Reminds of someone, who used to get bullied at school by a boy who kept trying to bite her because her surname was Smith. (Apple / Granny Smith - get it ? You don't - go back to sleep !!!) After she kicked him in the gonads, she wasn't bullied any more. I wonder why ? She must of been a tiger for punishment though, because later on in life she married a "Smith" and the bites never stopped.

Bird-Brain Idea.

If there ever was an award for a bird-brain idea, this would take all. Scientists in China who have implanted mirco-chips in pigeon's brains, lay claim to have created the world's first remote-controlled pigeons, saying they can control the bird's minds at the click of a mouse. By sending signals from the computer, they were able to plot a course and force the pigeons to fly in a chosen direction. They hope that the technolgy could be put into practical use in the future - no prizes for guessing what, in time to come.
Sit up straight, will take on a whole new meaning.

Saturday, February 24, 2007

Heard It On The Grapevine

You may not be the best looking girl in the room, but beauty is only a light switch away.

For sale - 1 parachute, only used once. Never opened. Small stain.

Four Policeman Charged With Murder

In Guatemala, 4 policemen have been charged with the kiddnapping & murder of 4 people. They did not know that their police vehicles had GPS (global positioning system) which put them at the scene of the crime and the site where the bodies were found of the three members of the Guatemala-based Central American regional parliament and their driver.

Finally Laid To Rest

Anna Nicole Smith - has laid in cold storage since she died on February 9th while her family argued over where she should be buried. Finally they have all come to their senses and she will be laid to rest in the Bahamas, alongside her son Daniel.

Drug Charges

Ronald Ramsey 39, younger brother of top British chef Gordon Ramsay, has been detained on the Indonesian island of Bali, on drug possession charges. He was caught in a supermarket parking lot near the resort town of Kuta, with 100grams of heroin.Will they ever learn ?

Egyptian Blogger Jailed

An Egyptian court has sentanced a 22 year old blogger from Alexandria to four years in jail, for speaking out and posting articles on his blog attacking Islam and Egyptian president, Hosni Mubarak. The former law student, Abdelkarim Soliman - internet alias Kareem Amer - is the first Egyptian blogger to be formally prosecuted for an opinion published online. There's no freedom of speech in Egypt, so it seems.

Two Clowns Dead

A gunman bursted in to the Circo del Sol de Cali circus, in Cucuta, Colombia and shot two clowns who were performing in front of an audience. One was killed instantly and the other died the next day in hospital.

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Get It Under Tow

Nisshin Maru, the factory ship of the Japanese whaling fleet is floating disabled near Antarctica after an onboard fire on Thursday. All but 20 of the 160 crew have been evacuated from the ship. The Nisshin Maru's owners and the Japanese government said it would not accept a tow from anti-whaling groups. Under international law, they should have no choice in the matter. It is no longer a whaling ship - it is a ship in distress, so if need be, the powers-to-be should board by force if necessary to get the ship under tow and away from the Antarctica. The ship with 1000 tonnes of heavy fuel oil, as well as chemicals on board, would cause an environmental catastrophe if it breaks up where it is, if the weather gets worst. The smaller Japanese boats, harpoon the whales and tow them over to the factory ship, where they are dragged on board and cut up all in the name of science, so they say. What have they got to hide ?

He Won't Do That Again

He got the bum's rush but he only had himself to blame - a man in his 20's who was said to be drunk, "mooned" drivers waiting at an inner city intersection at 3am. One driver who was offended by the "moon" rushed at the man and rammed him, running over his feet in the process and then sped off. The man ended up in hospital with moderate injuries. I don't think he will moon anyone again, in a hurry.

She Won't Do That Again

A NZ woman, who tried to smuggle $4 million of heroin out of Thailand in 1996, has finally been pardoned and freed after spending 11 years inside, looking out. She was sentenced to death, but the court commuted the sentance to 50 years in prison. This was later reduced to 35 years on appeal. In 2001, the NZ government presented a petition for her to be pardoned after serving a jail term, equal to what she would of received had she been imprisoned in NZ. It was only last month though when the NZ government presented another pardon application, that she was finally freed. She is now back in NZ with Thailand no doubt crossed off her travel list.

Extreme Cold

In the hey-day of sailing ships, all war ships and many freighters carry cannons which fired round iron cannon balls. It was necessary to keep the balls as close as possible to the cannons, but how ? The best storage method devised was a square based pyramid with one ball resting on the top, resting on 4, resting on 9, resting on 16. So a supply of 30 balls was near the cannon. How did they stop the balls rolling ? This is where the "monkey" came in - a square iron plate with indentations - in which the bottom 16 balls rested. Over time however, if the balls weren't used, they rusted to the iron plate. Therefore the monkey / plate was made of brass, but brass shrinks much more and much faster than iron in extreme cold. When the temperature dropped well below zero, this caused the indentations to shrink and the iron balls would roll right off the "monkey" - hence the saying "Cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey" !!!
And you thought............never mind.

He Should Of Stayed Away

A man who escaped custody from a NZ jail in 1989 - fleeing overseas for 17 years - returned to NZ to try and start a drug smuggling operation, but.............he got caught. Customs intercepted a parcel containing 975 tabs of the drug, LSD. He has been jailed for 5 years on top of having to serve the remainder of his sentence he didn't serve when he escape. It turns out that he had been living in Amsterdam, Holland all these years he had been on the run.

Sunday, February 11, 2007


Someone will be waiting in the Darkness, watching in the Darkness, whimpering in the Darkness. Someone will be screaming...someone like you! Are you prepared to experience heart wrenching terror? Nothing in your life has prepared you for
Spookers Haunted Attractions.
The most intense experience of your life is to be found in the Nurses Hostel of the old Kingseat Hospital.

NZ Murder's

This year in NZ, 12 people have been murdered in the first 40 days !!! What's wrong with our country ? Six murders were alleged domestic related where women have been murdered by their husband or partner as well as 6 other murders. Arrests have been made in 11 of the murders.

Korean Woman Murder

One of the latest murders was a 42 year old Korean woman, Misook Kim. A Korean man, Chul-Jun Cho, 43 has been charged with murder, attempted murder and arson. He set fire to the first floor of a building which housed a dental surgery in Henderson, Auckland. Dental assistant, Misook Kim, died in the fire, while Cho and another man managed to escape the fire with minor injuries and smoke inhalation.

Trying To Pass The Buck

When you buy a ticket with the ferry company, Fullers, you take your chances so I certainly wouldn't give them my money to travel to Waiheke Island, because they don't give a kaka. They are quick when it comes time to take you to Waiheke, an island not far from Auckland and even quicker to take your money before you get on board, but bloody slow to bring you back. That is if they are prepared to bring you back.The last sailing from the island is 12.30am with the next one not due to depart for another 8 hours. It seems that the captain, (if you can call him that - no doubt people called him other words) sailed away and left behind 120 people stranded on the island, because he considered the ferry too full, to take on board any more passengers. For safety reasons, they should count the number of people they take on each ferry sailing to and from the island, but it doesn't seem they do. If they had of been counting heads, they would of known how many people were they had taken to the island and how many were still left on the island and arranged for another ferry, as a back-up. They (Fullers) will hopefully be dragged over the coals for leaving the 120 people on the island to fend for themselves. The people they left stranded should also be given a free return ticket to Waiheke - that is if they want to put their trust in Fullers again. I certainly wouldn't. If some of those 120 were tourists to NZ and they each told a few friends when they returned to their country don't even think about visiting Waiheke Island, especially not on Fullers think of the harm it can do. I hate to say it, but they (Fullers) shot themselves in the foot. It was a bloody cold night/morning with people having to light fires on the beaches to keep warm. They had another slower ferry on the water from Auckland to Devonport which they could of sailed to Waiheke to collect those stranded. It's not as if the people stranded could catch a taxi home.

It Was Hung(a)ry Turkeys

It seems that Britain's first outbreak of avian bird flu may have caused by semi-processed turkey meat imported from Hungary. Up to 38 tonnes a week were been sent to the processing plant of Bernard Matthews turkey farm in Suffolk, where the H5N1 strain of the flu virus erupted a week ago. It was on one his 57 farms at Holton in Suffolk, where the flu broke out last week killing 2600 turkeys, which lead to the mass slaughter of 159,000 more turkeys. The Bernard Matthews company has a large Hungarian subsidiary, which produces turkeys under the brand name Saga. Avian flu had already been found in Hungury and so now it has ended up becoming quite a saga for not only UK turkeys but for people as well. You think the powers-to-be in the UK, who surely must of known of the bird flu in Hungury would of stopped all semi-processed turkey meat at the border or even disallowed it to even leave Hungary. Bernard Matthews has 3 meat plants in NZ where they process 1.4 million lambs a year, for export to USA, Japan and the Middle East.

Nothing Like A woman Scorned

A woman skydiver sabotaged her love rivals parachutes and watched her plunge to her death. Els Clootemans, 22 is alleged to have hatched the mid-air murder after learning her skydiving partner, Els Van Doran, 37 had been having an affair with her boyfriend.The death leap happaened when the two Belgian woman, the boyfriend and a fourth parachutist skydived from an airfield in Zwarteberg, Belgium. The four linked hands in a midair in a star-formation at 3660 metres. When they released hands at 1220 metres, Van Doran found neither of her parchutes would open and she plunged to her death, which was filmed on her own headmounted camera.

Monday, January 29, 2007

A Post For Madam Grizzle

Madam Grizzle - pay her a visit !!! She needs a little cheer in her life. She works so hard but can never seem to see the light at the end of the tunnel. For every step forward she manages to take, she ends up taking two steps back. I'm sure you all know the feeling of getting knocked back.

Saved By A Pen

When a mountain lion starting clawing at her husband, his wife tried beating it off by hitting it with a log. When that didn't work, she jabbed it in the eyes with a pen - that worked. He escaped with a torn scalp and puncture wounds. They hope still hope to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary next month with a trip to New Zealand.
One thing for sure is that we don't have any mountain lions.

Too Much Belly

A Queensland local sporting club's restaurant acting on complaints from other diners, barred a regular Friday night patron from dining because the shirt he usually wears doesn't cover his "belly". He says he has a weight problem because of a medical condition but I would of blamed it on the food they serve. A storm in a teacup - if it had been his balls instead of his belly that was showing, then they would of had an excuse to ban him. The other diners shouldn't be looking at his belly anyway as that is one step away from his ba...!!! Showing belly is one of the so called fashion no no's, with another been showing "plumber's crack".

How Thick Can You Be

Because of someone who must be as thick as two short planks, the NZ government is considering bringing in regulations banning the sale of novelty contact lenses from anyone who is not a registered seller. The person borrowed a pair of novelty lenses from a friend and wore them for 3 days without ever removing them and cleaning them. The result been he got an infection in one eye, which resulted in him losing his sight in that eye. The novelty lenses have been on sale in NZ since 1998 from flea markets, clothing shop, novelty shops and over the internet.
Who ever borrows "contact lenses" from a friend needs their head read.

They Are Clean

A pig farmer spent thousands of dollars converting a former pig sty into 4 residential studio flats fit for humans, but the council didn't think so because when they got wind of it, they took the owner to court. A council official said it was illegal for the former pig farrowing pens to be rented out for human habitation. Pigs or people - what's the difference, the owner said. They were simply responding to market demand.

A Joke Woth Sharing

A family were dining together, when the son asks his father a question.
"Dad are all womans boobs the same"? The father replied - "No son, they aren't. When she is in her 20's, they are like melons - round & firm to the touch. When she is in her 30's/40's they are like pears - they hang a bit lower, but are still firm to the touch. When she is in her 50's, they are like onions, because they bring tears to your eyes" !!!
This infuriates mother & daughter, so the daughter asks "Mom, do all men have the same type of willie?" The mother replies - "No, they don't. In his 20's, it is like an oak tree. mighty & hard. When he's in his 30's/40's, it's like a Birch - flexiable & pliable. But when he's in his 50's, it's like a xmas tree - dead from the roots up & the balls are only there for decorations !!!

I'll be back...............